Fiction and Articles

So, you're a sponge on society, are you? Don't want to pay for your entertainment, eh? Well, fair enough. Neither do I. So for the unadulterated joy that you will experience, I have posted some short stories and articles of mine here on my website. Some of these have been published in other forms, while others are wholly new (i.e., they were too shitty to make publication). Either way, I hope you'll find plenty here to amuse you.

Short Stories

Time Ends in 2012 - A physics research institute has to deal with the fact that their funding is about to dry up. Oh, and time will end.

Confessions of a Jam-Eater - Leopold gets drafted into the 168th Company, an insurance firm that is very unfond of Leopold's jam.

Voices from the Edge - A journalist visits the idyllic but unsettling town of Litorville and watches the local elections.

Son of a Preacher Man - I wrote this story for the Hostile Takeover Contest being run by Sandra, the artist who draws Friendly Hostility. I don't need to tell you it's a masterpiece, and I also don't need to tell you it didn't win. But don't take my word for it! Read for yourself. All characters are copyright K. Fuhr, and you should go read her comic now.

Novels

The Life-Giving Waters of the Nazi Handkerchief (PDF) - It all begins with a banker in a shady bank and his customer from hell. It ends thousands of years earlier, but not before Mother Teresa crushes all civilisation, Al Gore saves the world from certain doom, and everybody dances the Macarena. A chilling tale of immortality, assassins, and soggy hankies. Not for the faint of mind.

Jimmy and the Magical Pants Lord (PDF) - Everyone thought it would be simple for a vegetarian vampire to kidnap small children and meld them into one giant superbeing. No such luck. Jimmy - the hideous, blind creation of Barbara McSuckblood - is on the loose and heading for the Trouser people of the planet Pants. Barbara is in pursuit, but is being held back by socialite Madame van Scarf whose cucumbers have fused to her eyes. Finally Jimmy's collective parents (including but not limited to a porn star and a talking tea-pot) are following Jimmy's trail.

Articles

Corewar under Linux - A short guide to installing the pMARS Corewar environment under Linux. The software hasn't been touched for years, and I spent ages trying to get the damn thing going before figuring it out. I hope people will get some benefit from this.

Phono-mo-fiddle! - My very own guide to the phonofiddle, one of the greatest musical instruments ever devised. Pictures, restoration, tutors, the works!