Ancient Languages

I've got any number of translations that I thought were amusing at the time and subsequently became less amusing with each reading. So, for that initial kick of disgusted amusement, here are some odd translations, notes and computer programs relating to various ancient languages.

All articles, translations and poems are mine (unless otherwise noted).

Egyptian Hieroglyphic

Egyptian Texts:

The Prophecy of Neferty

The Story of the Shipwrecked Sailor

Latin

This chuckle-worthy mistake was reported by a teacher of mine.

Teacher: "Can anyone name a third declension ablative noun?"
Student: "Cibus?"

Interview With John Drayton: A not very subtle poke at John Dryden, whose stilted and forced rhymes I had to pore over as a Latin student trying to find the answers to his homework unseen. This "interview" contains my own translations into iambic pentameter rhyming couplets of selections of Horace, Virgil, and Petronius.

Yesterday: This rather loose translation of the Beatles' song "Yesterday" was handed out (and unfortunately sung) by one of my lecturers. I have no idea who wrote it.

There's a Hole in My Bucket: Another hand-out from that Latin lecturer. Yes, he sung this too.

Funky Groovy Horace: My "funky-groovy-trendy" translation of Horace's "carpe diem" poem. This is the same Horace poem from the interview with John Drayton, except translated rather... differently!

Gaberbocchus: There are several different Latin translations of Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwocky", which make up only a part of the many translations of the poem. This one, by Hassard H. Dodgson (Carroll's uncle), is my favourite. (off-site)

Akkadian

I work on-and-off on a computer program to parse Akkadian verbs. It's far from finished, but it's evident from the program's initial success that it could be a useful tool for a scholar wishing to do mass analyses of the Akkadian corpus. I've had lecturers tell me before that a computer translation program would take all the fun out of being a linguist, and this is true. But there are other uses. A program would also take all the tedium and expense out of compiling statistics. A program could tell you how often a certain verb is found in the N-stem across the entire Akkadian corpus. Such data would take years or even decades to compile without computers, but why spend all that time when the computer can tell you in a matter of seconds? There is a real need for computer linguistics in scholarship, and researchers should take note!

The program is written in Prolog, a language that allows the easy programming of grammar rules. I've so far programmed in recognition of G-stem finite strong verbs. This is a horribly narrow section of all verbs, but with continued work over time I'm hoping to expand this to be more general. What's interesting about the program is that it can not only parse Akkadian verbs, it can also generate them.

To test it for yourself, you'll need a Prolog interpreter and the below program file. Consult the file in Prolog. To test a verb, type in "verb(Verb,Tense,Person,Number,Gender,[v,e,r,b],[])." (minus quote marks). The only thing you need to change is the "[v,e,r,b]" part to the verb you want to test with the letters separated by commas. To generate verbs, type "verb(Verb,Tense,Person,Number,Gender,X,[])." and see what happens.
Akkadian verb parser
UPDATE: I stopped working on this project when I found out that I would merely be reinventing the wheel.

Ancient Greek

The origins of ancient Greek go all the way back to Linear B and possibly Linear A. But does anyone really know how a language gets started? The answer is yes. Me. Being Greek, I can safely reveal the long-lost origins of the Greek language. Homer was sitting around doodling something about singing and arms when he suddenly forgot how to form the subjunctive mood. Instead of looking up his grammar book, he decided just to invent a new mood called the optative instead. Then he came across a word he couldn't think how to decline, so he gave it a new declension. Every time he forgot his grammar, he just invented a new way of doing it, and that's why EVERY FRICKIN GREEK WORD IS IRREGULAR. This kind of laziness is the true spirit of Greece, which has survived to this day in the form of belligerent bus drivers and the bizarre pronunciation of all vowels the same. Thanks for the sour persimmons, Homer.

I Iabberioki: A hysterically funny translation of Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwocky" into Koine Greek by Mary Matthews (off-site).